Happy holiday....or not, as the case may be

From the outset, I want to say that I'm not looking for any sympathy here. I feel I need to say that, because this post is probably going to be a litany of woe, published here with the sole motive of getting it off of my chest, to avoid, hopefully, the possibility of an eruption in an inappropriate direction.
I feel I'm in the throes of what could become a 'perfect storm' of the difficulties in my life, flowing together in a cumulative way and with the potential to drown my spirit, which could lead to all sorts of negative consequences. The news of yesterday, with its likely financial fallout, is still uppermost in my mind. The prospect of losing all we've worked for over the years, just to pay the bankers' bonuses, is almost too much to bear in itself, but when all the other stuff is piled on top, my resilience, which is one of my strong points usually, might not be enough to cope. Not for the first time, my physical health seems to have been put under pressure by the psychological stress I'm under - in the last 24 hours, I've succumbed to the beginnings of a cold, and, more significantly, a dose of gout, my first for some months. It's almost as though that now I'm on holiday, my immune system is having an outage as well, knowing it can afford to relax and not have to keep me fit for work. Mind over matter again, apparently.
Another issue, and one that could be convincingly argued to be a self-inflicted wound, is once again my propensity to read online stories that reinforce my sense of not being able to be in the sort of emotional space that I feel would suit me best. Or, to put it in words of one syllable - I want a boy. Wanting on its own, of course, doesn't achieve anything except frustration, and that frustration has had me on the edge of tears more than once in the last few hours, the more so because I know this particular problem is insoluble - boys are just not accessible in any way that is psychologically supportable to me. I'm not just saying this for effect, but I'm really not a rapist/molester - desperate as I am to find someone, I'm not so desperate as to resort to coercion of any sort.
I'm sorry to have dipped towards self-pity this evening, but I've always tried my best to be truthful in this blog, and what I've written reflects how I feel at the moment. Maybe this is the bottom of the trough which opened up yesterday - I certainly hope so.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B