Truth - do I dare?

Almost certainly not, but it was pretty hard to explain to my wife why I was so down this morning, despite being back at home. All I could talk about was our ongoing financial travails, and how much I'm struggling with being away. That, of course, is only half, if that, of the problem, and I was close to tears of frustration at one point, knowing I couldn't break through the wall of pretence to say what I really feel, without bringing the whole edifice crashing down. I'm starting to come back to some kind of equilibrium now, four or five hours later, but only through the usual coping mechanisms, rather than any resolution of the underlying issues.
It doesn't help unduly when I so often seem to come across those who pique my unachievable longings - I called into our local supermarket on the way back from dropping my daughter off at her regular Saturday afternoon activity, to be confronted by a boy who, while he wasn't in the stunningly good looking category of the boy I saw yesterday, although he was attractive enough, was eye-catching in a different way, in that he moved with such grace and fluidity, even just walking around the shop. It probably sounds stupid that the way a boy walks should have any effect at all on anyone, even a boylover, but grace of movement was one of the elements that made DBJ such a delight to my eye over the years that I was lucky enough to be able to see him regularly. Sad, obsessive, incorrigible - yes, I'm probably all that, and more.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B