OK, so the sky hasn't fallen - yet, anyway - so where do I go from here? There hasn't been much in the way of meaningful dialogue, but there hasn't been any repetition of this morning's recriminations, either. Maybe a retreat into platitudes is what's required at the moment - remain civilised while things calm down, and then try to rebuild the bridges.
Emotionally, as well, I've been rather calmer today - I was still feeling a bit volatile earlier on, as though it wouldn't have taken much to bring last night's brink of tears frustrations back to the surface, but that, fortunately, didn't last too long.
I've been lucky enough to have a couple of pieces of feedback, one by e-mail in response to one of my posts, and one in a reply to a comment I left on another blog, which have helped me to be able to learn something from the rollercoaster of the last 24 hours. When all's said and done, for all I feel awful from time to time about what I am, and what I want, I have managed to control myself over the years, and managed to avoid hurting anyone, except myself, perhaps. How much of that is through virtue, and how much through fear is a moot point, but if the 'correct' outcome is the ultimate result, then maybe the route to that outcome isn't so important. I'm not anywhere close to being able to love myself, but if I can rein in my propensity to hate myself, it would undoubtedly be a positive step.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I hope you can, Sammy-- learn to love yourself, that is... I'm glad things have settled down for you. Hopefully that makes for a peaceful, and less stressful weekend.
ReplyDeleteLife is too short to spend it all beating yourself up, over things beyond your control. Other people are more than happy to do that for you... Don't pile on...Live with love in your heart and guiding your actions...God loves you. tman<3
Hello Tony
ReplyDeleteThank you for your help and care today - it's been invaluable.
There are still plenty of problems around, but the situation doesn't seem quite as insuperable as it did 24 hours ago.
You know we'll have to agree to disagree about God, but that doesn't in any way detract from my gratitude to you.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Whew, Sammy, glad you have calmed down a bit...
ReplyDeleteIt's good you are recognizing the things that set you off, and are learning to deal with them. It's not easy. And at least you have no guilt from hurting others, that is sooooo good.
Stop hating yourself. It is not productive. Even neutral is better than hating. You aren't hurting anyone so stop hating yourself for being you.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteI think I started believing the haters' propaganda a bit too much - if you hear, almost by the day, about the supposed 'evils' of what you want, it takes considerable powers of detachment to completely ignore it all. Neutral is about as much as I can hope for at the moment, but, as you say, better than where I have been.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI've read over your last few posts. I've been a bit out of the loop, struggling to keep up while things worked to keep me down.
You have a great deal on your shoulders. I just want to say hang on, make smart choices, and don't let yourself stress over things you can't control - and those you can, make your decision and relax, you've done what you can.
I've done better since working towards that same advice that was given to me. I hope it helps you too. Otherwise, many hugs, love, and my best hopes to you. -randy.
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteIt's been a bit fraught for a couple of days, but a little better today, although the underlying problems haven't miraculously fixed themselves, of course. Thanks for your kind and supportive words.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B