Early to bed and early to rise overnight - I was pretty shattered last night, and crashed out, but that, in turn, has led me to be up and about early, if not especially bright, this morning. I need to check out of Hobbiton by 10:00, anyway, so I'll be getting ready to do that fairly soon.
One of the posts that appeared while I was slumbering was from someone who has been a 'cyberfriend' for some time, generous with care and support. Unless I've misconstrued what he's written, it seems, sadly, that he's intending to leave blogland, which has made me think again about my future here.
I suppose for anyone to undertake any enterprise, there has to be a 'cost-benefit analysis', even if only a subconscious one - is there more to gain or to lose by doing what I'm doing? That's not to say that many people don't make sacrifices to their own ideal of well-being for the benefit of others, but there's still a net benefit. In my case, I've thought on occasions that in writing my blog as I do, I lay myself open to risk in a number of ways - if my blog is linked to my real life identity, I could potentially lose my job, my marriage, even, thinking of a worst case scenario, my life - vigilantism is out there - while if I think about my internal life, it could be argued that I'm not doing my psyche any favours by wallowing in the issues that have weighed me down for so many years, most notably, of course, my attraction to boys and all the deceit and subterfuge that entails. On the credit side, however, there has been a therapeutic, if not quite cathartic (yet) effect in writing about those issues, and, most importantly, I've had the good fortune to have come into contact with a number of good people who have been kind enough to help, encourage and support me with their comments and friendship - without them, I'd still be brooding about my 'problems', no doubt, but alone.
On balance, then, I still feel I have more to gain than to lose by continuing my association with blogland, both in terms of keeping my blog and in reading others, at least as things stand at the moment. There may come a time when I feel the balance has tipped too far towards the debit side, and then I'll need to reassess, but, for the moment, I'll still be here.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
It is really hard when you feel protective of someone who is clearly taking risks. To act as a parent and tell them to stop? Or to act as a friend and support them to make their own decision? When the thread that connects us is so thin it is an impossible choice.
ReplyDeleteThis was a train wreck coming for a while and it looks like it has shaken him up pretty badly. He is such a warm and friendly guy you really hope he carries on.
Hello Billy
ReplyDeleteThere's no doubt he'll be sadly missed if that is the final decision. As I said recently, blogland is a place of comings and goings, but when the genuinely good ones leave, everyone loses.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI am slowly catching up a bit on my reading, and I am unaware of the person you refer...but not important for this: I have grown by the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings -- neither of which is at all wrong. So, if someone were to "discover", my point may be to say that therapy comes in many forms and their judgements need be to their own mirror. -randy
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteI'm continuing with my blog because it is helpful to me, but I am aware of a degree of risk I'm taking, because of some of the subject matter. Not too many people - although I've been lucky to find some in cyberspace - would be very understanding towards a self-confessed boylover, I suspect.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B