After last night's upset, I 'self-medicated' with rather more alcohol than was strictly good for me. Whether as a result, or whether it was simply a vagary of the subconscious, I had a very vivid erotic dream, but not of the type I would have expected - it involved an (unknown to me) adult male. I can only ever remember having had one such dream previously, and that was the best part of thirty years ago, the only reason that earlier dream stuck in my mind being that it involved a very close friend of mine (who was later the best man at my wedding) who I had (and still have) no conscious attraction to. This latest dream probably doesn't mean anything, really, but it was certainly caught my attention.
The ongoing nightmare of the family finances isn't going away, either - I jumped through the latest hoop held out for me by helping my wife to fill in some paperwork this afternoon, but, predictably, that still wasn't enough. The fact that I haven't made a call that my wife thinks I should make, that I think would be utterly pointless, means that I was subjected to another bout of criticism. I know all too well how stressful all this stuff is for everyone, but the fact that my wife just goes on and on and on about the same things, seemingly all the time, things that there are no quick or easy answers to, just winds me up so much. I've already given up 75% of anything resembling a normal family life to try and keep us afloat, by working away, and working all sorts of overtime, to boot, I'm at a loss to see what more I can reasonably be expected to do.
The evening has been the best part of today - after a cooling off period following the latest financial 'discussion', I cooked a well-received meal, the sun has been shining, blue skies and fluffy clouds still in evidence now as I look out of the living room window, my wife and I have just had a nicely civilised conversation about non-fiscal matters, and we've been perusing my daughter's school report, which she brought home today, and which contains nothing other than 'good' and 'excellent' gradings, and 'working at' or 'working beyond' the expected level. Would that all of my life could be so congenial.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
It's not easy. My family went through bankruptcy many years ago, and from what my brothers have told me, the conversations between mom and dad were "strained". Thank goodness you're not to that point.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to your daughter! She sounds like a right smart young lady. Not surprising given her raising by two loving parents!
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteWe're not to that point yet - but the spectre is out there.
As I've said before, my daughter is a bright girl. As long as she can stay motivated about her education, I don't think there's too much that would be beyond her.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B