....is a big, scary word. 'What you desire is unobtainable....' If that's really true, if 'never' is immutable, if I can't even hope, if this life of frustration and pretence is all there is, I don't know if I can go on, if I want to go on.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Somehow your desires need to be redirected to something else that IS obtainable. Unfortunately, I don't know a method to do this. I hope you can find one.
ReplyDeleteSammy
ReplyDelete*hugs*
I don't think frustration and pretence are all there is in your life: you have a wife and daughter that I believe are a source of joy for you, and a job that I think provides some satisfaction too.
As for the future, I would suggest looking outward rather than inward: find some external interest, and focus on that. It has worked for me with blog-land, after several years when I seemed to be turning more and more inward and isolated. You may well also find that the insights and understanding you need come along out of the blue when you are thinking of something else, rather than worrying away at the thing you want to understand.
Take care
Mark
I have to agree with Brian, wise as always. There is never a lack of hope, it's how you find it and channel it that counts.
ReplyDeleteYour sexuality is only a part of your being. You are a husband and father, a smart man in an important position...a lot more than just a boylover...so look at the total man, not just one part.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Brian, Mark & Jay
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments, and your support. I'm about to make a post which might give you the impression that I'm being ungrateful, or petulant, or both, about what you've written, but I hope you will understand that what I'm going to say is not in any way personal, except personal to me, I suppose. I really am grateful for the time and trouble that you've all taken with me, more, certainly, than I think I'm worthy of.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B