Laying aside the disguise?

I've spent the past few hours thinking about an issue, which is, on a personal level, the greatest millstone around my neck. I'm referring, needless to say, to my sexuality, and the perceived need to keep it secret from the world. Now that I'm sitting here at the keyboard, the simplicity and clarity of my thoughts of just a few minutes ago seems to be evaporating again. I'd almost come to the conclusion that I can't pretend anymore, I've just had too much of living with one hand tied behind my back, so to speak, that I need to 'publish and be damned', if that's what honesty would entail. It appeared to be very straightforward, just say the words 'I'm gay, I'm a boylover' and the years of deception would be brought to an end. Well, yes, the deception would be brought to an end, but a whole new slew of problems would arise in its place. I haven't got the courage, apparently, to make that unequivocal step, at least not voluntarily. If my wife asked me a direct question about my orientation, I'd answer her truthfully, but to make an announcement, unbidden, looks like being more than I can cope with, however much I hate the situation I'm in. Who am I protecting by my cowardice? My wife, my daughter? Or is it all down to selfish old me?
This is even more difficult than I thought. even typing these words, that only a handful of people, almost none of whom know me, will read, is like dragging lumps of my innards out into the light. Nearly forty years of hiding, and I still can't bring myself to come out from behind the mask. Can't live with the disguise, can't live without it. Can't live?

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B