Sons

I started a week of night shifts last night, good for the finances, but not all that wonderful for social interactions - not that I'm the sociable kind, really, in any case. One of my colleagues that I work with more often than many others, because of the vagaries of our roster, and who's the father of two sons, 11/12 and 5/6, was also on nights, He was talking about some of the endearing things the boys have said and done of late. The older boy is apparently, unsurprisingly given his age, starting to show signs of pubescence, while his little brother, in the way of little brothers, wants to be like 'big bro'. Listening to the talk, it made me feel quite 'gooey', sentimental, I suppose, but also brought my very mixed feelings about the idea of me being the father of a son rather than of a daughter into focus. As I've said before, I was greatly relieved when my daughter was born, because I was genuinely concerned about how my interactions with a son could have gone - I'd like to think I could have restrained myself in the face of such a temptation, but I'd be lying if I said I could have guaranteed it. The other side of the coin, though, and much as I love my daughter, is that I've missed out on the possibility of what people consider to be the good and beneficial aspects of a father/son relationship. As a 'boy', at least in my head, myself, having a kindred spirit to be with on a daily basis might have been a great experience. Does the gain counterbalance the loss? It's difficult to say, really. As with most aspects of life, I am where I am, and I need to behave in a way that's appropriate to real life, rather than counterfactual speculation, but hearing things like I heard last night makes me feel I've missed out, at least to a small extent, on something that I would have enjoyed, and maybe even been good at.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B