Where X is some arbitrarily large number. Music is sometimes said to speak directly to the emotions, but I often find the lyrics of songs have as much, if not more of an effect on me. Like this:
Oh, Starlight, don't you cry, we're going to find a place where we belong (from Starlight, by Slash).
Straight to the point of vulnerability in me - because, it seems, there's nowhere I belong, wanting what I want. Tears in my eyes, again. I suppose, in some ways, where I am now is as close to being where I belong, or where many would feel I belong - in a room, on my own, feeling desolate, feeling that terrifying word, never, creeping up on me again. FFS, the haters call this a 'lifestyle choice'. I'd never choose this, never in a million years. But, to repeat myself for the umpteenth time, I can't wish it away.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI just had an interesting event: the neighbor girl stopped by and in our conversation, which mostly consisted of me trying to find a way to send her home nicely so I could mow and her telling me all about the important things in her seven year-old world, she piped up with "i feel sorry for you". I wondered who put that in her head, but I told her that I was happy and her concern isn't needed.
People don't always understand that happiness can come in situations where things aren't the picture from hollywood, and in the picture of the hollywood dream there isn't always happiness. What's the point: I'm struggling, but I am content and even often happy in my day, though it doesn't have everything I would wish. I struggle to find that some days, but I do. I wish you the same; somehow find your happiness, my friend.
I'm rooting for you!
-randy.
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteI suppose my situation is just a variation on the 'irresistible force/immovable object' adage - what I want is, if I play by society's rules, unobtainable, and what gets crushed into oblivion in the clash between force and object in my case is happiness. I'm not unhappy all the time, by any means, contrary to what this blog might suggest, but there are days when I really do struggle. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me, the blog is just an outlet for things that might otherwise be bottled up inside, helping to get stuff out of my system. Beyond that, it's just a matter of trying to 'keep on keeping on', like most people.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B