I can't sleep, partly because it's warm, partly because I dozed off for a while earlier in front of the TV, and partly because of the stuff churning in my head.
There are two strands doing the churning, neither new. Money and boys. We're getting ever closer to the brink financially, despite my weeks and months of exile. I doubt it's going to be long before it all falls apart, and everything we've worked for is gone. And after what I saw that so shook me earlier, my desperation to find a boy has been ratcheted up even further. I want it so much, but know I can't, in any realistic way, achieve that ambition, at least without hurting someone.
Something's going to break. The only question is whether it's going to be physical or mental.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
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