Thursday 15 September 2011

Where do I go from here?

OK, so post 500 pretty much sunk without trace, with the odd honourable exception (Thank you, Jay). It's got me thinking 'Where next?' for the blog. There were a few things I thought about doing for the milestone post, from writing a long, ranty post about whatever came to mind, to doing what I've wanted to do for ages, tell the world who I 'really' am, to even going as far as closing the blog and slinking off into well-deserved obscurity. But I have, self-evidently, done none of those things. So, what do I do? I set out, in February last year, with a few ideas of what I wanted to achieve by having a blog, but, in all honesty, I don't know that I've succeeded in any of those aims. I haven't had the cathartic experience of getting all the hidden stuff out of my system effectively, I haven't written much fiction (hived off to the other blog, of course, at an early stage) that has pleased anyone, even me, and, if I can be selfish for a moment, I haven't managed, either through my blog, or in 'real life', to make myself happier with myself, and my life in general.
Sitting here typing this has made me realise that the answer to the question posed in the post's title is 'I don't know'. This post has turned out to be rather aimless, and that sums up where the blog as a whole seems to be at the moment. And maybe where my life is at the moment. I do still have ambitions, and regular readers wouldn't be surprised by what would appear if I listed them, but the things I want seem to be as illusory and unattainable as finding the end of the rainbow. Perhaps, one day....but probably not.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

8 comments:

  1. I read every post you make but most times I don't feel like I can contribute anything useful via a comment. I expect there are others in the same boat. What else would you be doing if you weren't writing the blog posts?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello Brian
    This post isn't a criticism of anyone (apart from myself, possibly), more me musing about what I want to do now. I've said before, and I'll say it again, I consider people reading my blog, and even more so receiving comments, a privilege, not a right. It's undeniable, though, that the blog doesn't get nearly as many hits now as even a few weeks ago. The question is whether I react to that, and try to become more 'popular', or whether I carry on my own sweet way and see my readership dwindle further. Given my personality, it will probably be the latter, but who knows? Not even me, at the moment.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

    ReplyDelete
  3. I gave up looking at my stats. Some of my posts get comments, some don't. I truly appreciate the folks who take the time to comment on mine. I try to leave comments that are at least as positive as I can make them, even to unhappy posts.

    As to where you go? Sometimes, you just have to soldier on. I admit my blog was cathartic, but I also understand why you can't do what I did and basically out myself. If anyone I know "stumbles" across my blog, my secret is out.

    It's easy to be down in the dumps. Been there, slogged through the crap at the bottom. So, as cliche as it sounds, all I can think of to say it "it gets better"...what the Trevor Project doesn't say is "there are no promises as to when".

    Chin up, Sammy! You're working productively, as is your wife, your daughter is well-taken care of, you have a house and home to go, even if not as often as you (and them) like. You're loved by many. Nothing wrong with your personality, Sammy. Stick around, OK?

    Peace <3
    Jay

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello Sammy. Just a thought, you seem really hard on your self. I do not know you well enough to offer any suggestions on how to read peace or find your comfortable place in life. But you seem to be hurting and as a fellow human I do care. If you wish you can email me and I will respond. I wish you the very best. Hugs, Scottie

    ReplyDelete
  5. Like Brian I also read every post of yours and I comment whenever I feel I have something to add. But I agree with you; Where to go? I'm sometimes stuck in the same situation and I feel I'm out of words and/or stuff to say.

    I guess all you can do is keep it up, let the words come whenever they do... in whatever shape they do.

    Love
    Daniel

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello Jay
    The Blogger 'stats' option has definitely been a double-edged sword for me. It's nice to see people, from many different places, coming to visit, but less congenial when the numbers begin to dwindle. I should doubtless follow your example, and Kipling's, by 'meeting triumph and disaster, and treating both those imposters just the same.'
    I've been aware, almost from the inception of my blog, that there's more than enough stuff here to identify me to anyone who knows me reasonably well, so I live, as you do, with that possibility of 'exposure'. If that ever happens, I'll just have to deal with it, I guess.
    All in all, wherever else the blog might go from here, it almost certainly won't be into the recycle bin, unless anything unforeseen happens. Thank you for your concern and support.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hello Scottie
    Thank you for your kind words. There is a point of view, which even I share sometimes, that I'm my own worst enemy. I'm certainly my own harshest critic. As to finding a comfortable place - well, what I'm looking for is very hard to find, maybe not there to be found at all. How I come to terms with that is something I haven't quite worked out yet.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello Daniel
    I, likewise, read all of your posts, but, as I've said before, I don't always find a viable way of commenting. I'm expecting to be around for a while longer - I hope the same goes for you.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

    ReplyDelete