Too quiet, in a way. With my daughter being away on her marathon day trip, there was only my wife and I in the house during the day, but our levels of conversation were pretty minimal most of the time, even allowing for the fact that I was asleep for a few hours, being, as I was, between night shifts. I suppose it's better than perpetual arguments, but it does raise the spectre of 'two individuals living under one roof' rather than being a couple. It might be easier if we shared a few interests, but we don't, in all honesty. It was always a bit of a standing joke in our early years together that we had nothing in common except a liking for extra strong mints, and that, perhaps, is coming back to haunt us.
I was playing a word game on the computer this afternoon, and came across the word 'cuddled'. It left me feeling more than a little reflective, particularly about my childhood. I'm not suggesting for a moment that I was in any way abused or neglected by my parents, who did as well as they could for four children in rather straitened circumstances - we weren't exactly poor, but there was only ever enough money for the necessities in food, clothing and housing - but, looking back, there wasn't much, if any, overt affection around - I can honestly never remember ever being told by either of my parents that they loved me, even though I'm sure they did, and I can never remember being hugged. I know memory, especially at the distance of 40 years and more, can be unreliable, but I'm as sure as I can be that I'm not colouring my childhood with later experiences. Maybe that's why I can be a bit of a 'cold fish' at some times, while at others I feel very needy emotionally, seemingly always looking for something more than my current life can provide. I'm sure a psychoanalyst, if I could afford one, would have a field day trying to unravel my knotted personality.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
My memories of my childhood are exactly as you related. I could have written those same words.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteIf I can give myself credit for one thing in my life, it's that I've tried to make sure my daughter has had plenty of love and affection. She's had plenty of hugs and been told how valued she is for longer than she's able to remember, by both myself and my wife. I think it's left her a fairly well adjusted child, and will hopefully allow her to be a well adjusted adult - better adjusted than me, anyway.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi there, Sammy
ReplyDeleteMaybe memory grows fuzzy with time, but I think I also would have to agree with your points about affection (or lack of it) from my parents.
Well done on doing better for the next generation!
*hugs*
Mark
Hello Mark
ReplyDeleteI guess it's a generational thing - my parents, and doubtless yours, were products of their milieu, but, pace Philip Larkin, they don't always 'fuck you up', just give you a basis to improve from.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B