....everything I say, and everything I do.
Sorry, but this is going to be yet another dose of doom and despondency. There are times, and the phone conversation I've just had is one of them, when I utterly despair of ever being able to do the right thing in my wife's eyes. I'm stuck up here, away from where I want to be, looking forward to going home tomorrow, when it comes to light, while we're talking on the phone, that my wife, again, hasn't been shopping all week. So, I commit the heinous crime of trying to find out what groceries we need, so that I can pick them up on my way back. That, apparently, is perceived as scathing criticism on my part. The conversation then degenerated into monosyllables, leaving me, perhaps by way of overreaction, feeling that there's little or no welcome waiting for me when I get back. If I can console myself with anything at all, it's the knowledge that, at least, my daughter will be looking forward to seeing me, and the feeling is mutual. Beyond that, even allowing for the stresses and strains my wife and I are under, it's getting more and more difficult for me to contain my frustration. There's no way it would come out as physical violence, I'm just not that sort of person, but there are torrents of words that could be said which would be just as terminal to the relationship. 'I knew there was a reason I preferred boys' could just be the start.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteI think you're all under a lot of pressure right now, and it's manifesting itself in ways that aren't too healthy. Pick up a nice bottle of wine and some roses and head home tomorrow. You don't have to admit you're wrong (which in my view you aren't - it's no one's fault), and coming in with a smile on your face and flowers in hand will go a long way to easing tensions.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot, too much, going on, and that in itself is making life difficult, as you suggest. Neither am I claiming for a second that it's all one-sided. However, there comes a point when you wonder whether all the crap is worth it, and I'm getting close to that point. I'm certainly not going to be heading home this afternoon spoiling for a fight, and I hope we'll find a pacific way forward, but the 'roadmap' to that way forward isn't obvious to me just now.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Why bother living by a roadmap? An uncalculated failure is better than a calculated one. Don't say anything when you head back if you think you might get into an argument? Take the moral highroad, the literal one too if it's a nicer drive home :P
ReplyDelete-JJ
Hello JJ
ReplyDeleteIt's turned out to be fairly neutral now I'm back in sunny Cornwall, which in some ways isn't such a good thing, because nothing gets resolved. Experience suggests that not much will change, and we'll carry on until some other crisis builds the frustration levels again. Relationships - can't live with them, can't live without them, to coin a cliche.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B