I spent quite a while earlier today trying to concoct a way that I could step out, at least partly, from behind my pseudonym, while still ensuring my family wouldn't be detrimentally affected. And I failed. There are already quite a lot of clues in my blog to identify me, especially if it chanced to be read by someone who knows me IRL, so to make it any more obvious would, at the moment, be too dangerous, potentially. It is something I'd like to do eventually, though - 'Sammy' is me, of course, not a fiction of any kind, but, as I've said almost from the start of the blog, I'd much prefer to be able to dispense with the mask and just be myself. All the while the current hysterical hatred of those like me who are attracted to boys persists, though, it's always going to be a seriously risky business to put your undisguised head above the parapet. Will things ever change? I'm not hopeful.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I fully intended to stay completely anonymous until I finally made the conscious decision to start coming out. But I understand your situation. Believe me, even being "suspected" and/or "accused" (and I've been both) of ever looking sideways at a boy has consequences that just don't stop. You don't need the grief.
ReplyDeleteLook at it this way. We know you through your blog, and comments and emails. I wondered if Sammy was your real name, and cool! (Pointless aside: I have a cousin named Sammy.) But we don't need a last name, nor a town, nor (as you've pointed out) an exact job description to be friends here. That's part of the beauty of the blogworld. You can be friends, supporters, and totally be yourself with out all the ridiculous recriminations that result from peeking out over the proverbial parapet. Why jeopardize yourself? We love you for who you are here, and being somewhat secretive is fine. I've got one friend who I chat with regularly, we're Facebook friends, we pretty know everything about each other short of addresses (though we've seen each others houses), but we've never "spoken" - he wants to maintain a little bit of that mystery. It's OK to maintain yours, too!
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteSammy isn't my real name, purely my blog persona (the name comes from a character in my favourite online story, The Geppetto Project), chosen partly because it bears no resemblance to my name or the name of anyone I know personally. I've always tried to stay as anonymous as possible since I started blogging to protect my family, as I've said on a few occasions. It's no fault of my wife and daughter that I am who I am, and I could never forgive myself if they got dragged into any kind of trouble as a result of me expressing my 'real' self here. If I was on my own, though, I would be much more inclined to want to stick two fingers up to the haters and just be myself - at the end of the day, I've never actually done anything I shouldn't have (although I've had a couple of very near misses, years ago), so why should I be vilified just for thoughts and desires? Anyway, for the moment, 'Sammy' is safe, but I still hope one day to be able to 'kill him off', and introduce the man behind the mask to the world.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B