I read a very sad story earlier today. About an elderly man returning to his home village for the funeral of his closest childhood friend, but a friend who he would have chosen to be his life partner, too. He finds out, through a letter written by his friend shortly before he died, that the friend felt the same way about him. They were driven apart by their own expectations of what the other would think about the truth, and by the prejudices of the people around them. The time of their separation in the story was the 1960's, but would it be that much different today? If two teenage boys had strong feelings for each other, would they have the confidence to allow those feelings out into the open, even between themselves alone, never mind to the world at large? It could happen, perhaps, more readily than 40 or 50 years ago, but I think it would still take a substantial amount of courage, even now.
I could see parallels in the story to my own history, needless to say, even though there wasn't anyone in my life when I was in my mid-teens that I would expect to discover as a 'lost opportunity' - the only boy I loved at that time was R, and he certainly wasn't interested in reciprocating my feelings, as subsequent events proved - I still feel it would have been almost impossible to express my feelings to anyone at that time, had there been anyone who I might have wanted to express them to.
The last paragraph of the story, with the surviving man putting two coins that had been symbols of their friendship into the grave, made me cry. Rather a lot. For their fictional loss, and maybe for how my life could have been, if I'd had the courage to embrace who I really was.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Many more teenage boys today do manage to express their feelings today. Not everyone, not everywhere, but the internet has been so powerful in breaking down the isolation and giving people the confidence to be themselves. I'm a born pessimist, but this has been one change that gives me hope for the future.
ReplyDeleteHello Billy
ReplyDeleteI think your point about the internet is certainly valid in the sense of giving gay teens some kind of reassurance that they're not 'the only one' - with hindsight, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been the only gay boy in my year, never mind my (relatively large) grammar school, but, at the time, it certainly felt as though I was the only one who was 'different', and without any external frame of reference, I might as well have been the only one in the world. I really hope that you're right, and that more people have the chance to be themselves, without fear.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteI started a comment, but it's turned into a blog post. hahahahaha Might be up tonight, might take until tomorrow, but another blogger also posted something that made me think along these lines.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteI'll look out for it - it might be in the morning, though, my eyelids are drooping!
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy,
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing, I also have read this story yesterday and I was like you - I got wet eyes.
Nikki
Guten Tag Nikki
ReplyDeleteDefinitely an emotional experience. To have 'loved and lost' is one thing, but to never have been able to try is just tragic.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B