For someone who prides herself on always being honest, my wife was, to be as charitable as I can, disingenuous when I spoke to her on the phone earlier. She started to say something about my daughter and an attachment to someone, but then didn't want to elaborate. After some coaxing, it appears that she's getting herself worked up again about the girl that my daughter wrote about in her diary, which my wife surreptitiously read some months ago. What has disinterred the subject is that it's the girl's birthday in a few days time, and my daughter has ordered her a personalised card from some website or other, which she was showing to my wife this morning. The message printed inside says something along the lines of 'Love you loads', which my wife has taken as further evidence that my daughter is bisexual, if not gay. As I said last time this issue was raised, as far as I'm concerned, our daughter's orientation is none of our business, and when I said so again earlier, my wife, despite trying to appear as though she was agreeing with me, was obviously, even over a phone line, speaking through gritted teeth, particularly when she spat out the word 'gay' as though it was a furball she'd had to hawk up from some nether region. She says she's worried about our daughter getting bullied and losing her friends, but, for one thing, there's no evidence of that happening, and, secondly, her evident distaste when discussing even the possibility of our daughter not being 'normal' makes me seriously question who her main concern is for - I get the impression there's more of 'The shame of it' in her attitude rather than 'Let's do our best to help our daughter live a happy life, whatever she chooses to do'. From things she's said to me, I still think our daughter leans considerably more towards the straight end of the spectrum, but if not, she is what she is, and no amount of disapproval is going to change that. I can certainly vouch for that assertion, personally.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Hallo Sammy,
ReplyDeleteI hope that your wife comes to senses.
The concern now is the thanks for their curiosity to read the diary of your daughter.
Nikki
parenting is an adventure, eh?
ReplyDelete:-)
-Andy
Guten Tag Nikki
ReplyDeleteWhen my wife admitted to having read the diary a few months back, I was, frankly, outraged, and tried to get her to apologise to our daughter, but she seemed to take the attitude that 'What she doesn't know won't hurt her'. I hope, too, that my wife realises soon that the girl is going to be what she's going to be, how ever little or much she likes it, and that she doesn't do anything that's going to alienate our daughter. Whether I hope in vain remains to be seen.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hello Andy
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is, and our daughter isn't even remotely what I'd call difficult. As I said in the post, I think my wife is getting worked up over a non-issue, but whether I can get her to accept that is another matter.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
I totally agree with you. Your daughters orientation is her own business, and whatever it is she'll still be your beloved child. That won't change! Hope your wife realizes this soon.
ReplyDeleteLove
Daniel
An awful lot of teenage girls "love" other teenage girls without a sexual/psychological attraction that would mean they are homosexual. I saw it frequently when I was working in a high school.
ReplyDeleteTo put it bluntly, your wife needs to chill. She was the one who read your daughter's diary, and I don't think I've ever seen a case where that turned out well. I don't understand why parents would do that. Some measure of privacy should be afforded every kid, and a diary is just that: private. Sooner or later your daughter is going to figure out that her mom violated that privacy, and the fallout is likely to be worse than the consequences of the possibilities of her being gay.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Daniel & Jay
ReplyDeleteI've actually spoken to my daughter in the past hour, and the irony is that the card isn't even for the original girl, but for one of my daughter's schoolfriends! It was my wife who made the assumption as to who the card was destined for, and passed it on to me yesterday. As I said, a total non-issue. I hope my wife takes the lesson of not jumping to conclusions to heart.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B