Up & down

Up country. Down in the mouth.
Back to work yesterday, and what turned out to be a messier shift than I might have expected given the position I was covering, but, then, I did tempt fate when I first arrived by commenting to one of my colleagues that I thought it was going to be a relatively gentle reintroduction to the world of work after my holiday. Still, I did manage to cope with what was thrown at me reasonably calmly and competently - my job is perhaps the only area of my life where I do actually, consistently, feel in control, the vast majority of the time, anyway.
Would that I could say the same about my personal life. Towards the end of my shift, after the crises had passed, and again this morning, the pain and disappointment of the previous few days reasserted themselves. It seems to be a recurrent theme, sadly, in my life, that when I care about someone and try my best to help, support, and generally be on their side, the outcome is me ending up hurt. It's me that's the common factor in these scenarios, so it must be me that's doing something wrong, trying too hard, being too honest, whatever. It's even more bitterly ironic, though, that in trying to reach out to, to give something to someone who's been so damaged by lies, I end up being rejected because I told the truth.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B